Guess who’s coming to dinner…

Hospitality is, in most cultures and religions I know, one of the most praised person’s attributes; And most people enjoy being invited to a dinner at a friend’s place. But be very careful which invitations you accept, because eating at a friend’s place, even if it is just a healthy snack, can go horribly wrong…

Like in modern times, the Romans had a social life too. They had friends and acquaintances with whom they met up regularly. So did Octavian Julius Caesar, better known as Augustus. One day he was invited to a private dinner at the house of Vedius Pollio. This dinner is actually the only fact worth mentioning in the life of this Pollio. Pollio – although being governor of the province of Syria for a while- achieved nothing else in his otherwise completely useless life.

The situation

That evening, after hours of fine dining and drinking ( Pollio was a rich and proud man), Vedius ordered a slave to bring him a glass of his best wine. Unfortunately, this slave was a clumsy man, who broke the expensive crystal goblet he was supposed to serve the wine in.

Now, Pollio in his day was known to be quite a cruel and callous man, not unlike Blofeld, the famous Bond villain. Pollio liked to feed slaves who displeased him to his mures or eels- alive, and then afterward eat the eels- so hé could taste, as it were, the meat of his slave (which would have made him a cannibal by proxy,). His cruelty towards slaves is all the more remarkable, because, although belonging to the Equestrian ranks- a status similar to medieval knights, his grandfather was a freedman, which meant Pollio was himself a descendant of slaves).

When the slave, who broke the valuable piece of tableware, saw his master give the secret sign to the other servants to throw him in the fishpond, he grabbed his last chance and threw himself at the mercy of Augustus Caesar.

What happened next?

This put dear old Augie in quite an awkward position. After all, he was, though he was the most powerful man in the world at the time, only a guest in the house of Pollio. Augustus himself had killed enough people on a whim; once he massacred the complete population of Perugia ( about 20.000 souls, men, women, and children), only because they didn’t choose his side in the power struggle with Marc Anthony- an action we nowadays would frown upon. Romans did not object to killing other people- quite the opposite; they could watch for days gladiatorial fights and public executions. And besides all that, according to Roman law, Pollio did have the right to kill his slave- it was his property, to do with as he liked. But having the slave being eaten alive by the fishes in the room next door somehow seemed to put a bit of a damper on a pleasant evening…

Being a guest, Augustus could not forbid his host to kill the man. That was, for several reasons, out of the question. So what could Augustus do to solve the nasty situation? A question that certainly went through the slaves’ minds. Augustus, being the mild-mannered monarch he was, came up with a solution.

What a genuine character!

Augustus asked the servants to bring a few similar Chrystal wine glasses to him. When they did, he smashed these in the ground. Now it was Pollio who was put in a difficult situation; he could hardly kill his slave for the very same thing Augustus had just done, now, could he? Think what people might say…
So he, although not wholeheartedly, forgive his slave, and murmured some half-witted excuses. Both men saved their faces this way.

Some writers say after the incident, Augustus bought the slave to secure his life (after all, Pollio could easily kill him the next day), but that’s never proven. But above all, this story shows how very, very careful you must choose your friends, and where to dine…I would personally go for a Michelin starred restaurant and the Netherlands is not short on options. ?